My brother P.J., whom I adored, had just gotten his license earlier in the spring and now it was summer. P.J. would drive his friends and me everywhere which made this a time of freedom and adventure. Our visit to a lake on a hot summer day in 1984 would be a day that would never be forgotten.
I was lucky that my big brother let me tag along with him almost everywhere and I loved it. P.J. was handsome, strong, and very popular; he made me feel like I was something special when I was with him. His friends however, did not find me fun to be with. I was the tag along, pain in the neck, little sister and this day was no exception as we set off on an adventure at the lake. As we hiked the hot terrain near the lake, the sun beat down on us burning our skin like hot coals. The smell of fish and lake water filled the air. We were hot and tired however, we were excited to experience the thrill we knew we would soon be undergoing. The water looked inviting so we all ran off the nearest cliff into the cool water below. The cliffs were high enough that when I jumped, my stomach would drop a little until I hit the water, it was an exciting feeling.
The boys all began talking about a renowned cliff, Candle Stick, a 90 foot cliff nearby that only the really tough guys would jump off of. Only the most experienced jumpers would try this cliff. They all began teasing each other then daring each other to jump off Candle Stick. P.J. said “I’m tough, I’ll jump, and to prove you guys are all chicken, my little sister will jump before me!” The other boys laughed, pointed there fingers at me and started clucking. “No way will she jump, she’s just a girl!” P.J. grabbed my arm and we started hiking toward Candle Stick. “Oh man, what am I doing?” I thought to myself. I really wanted my big brothers approval and I wanted to make him proud, but this was crazy. As we approached Candle Stick I saw why it was an extraordinary cliff, it was huge. Surly P.J. would see how enormous this cliff was and tell the other boys that he was just kidding. Instead he began bragging again about how tough I was, tougher than any of them. I was nervous about jumping, but I wanted to impress my brother and his friends. I wanted to finally be an equal to these boys I had grown up with instead of the pesky kid sister. I also wanted Dwight, my brother’s best friend and the most gorgeous boy on the face of the earth, to finally notice me or at the very least acknowledge my existence. I followed P.J. to the cliff and we began our climb.
The rocks were hot and jagged and they hurt my hands. My shoes were wet and kept slipping off of the rocks. I kept getting scrapes on my arms and legs and what I knew would end up being bruises on my shins. About half way up, the climb seemed impossible to finish. I had struggled to get this far and the last half looked even harder. “There is no way I can climb this cliff, I want to go back!” I yelled out to P.J. who was above me climbing. “There is no way back, you have to finish the climb!” he said. As I looked down from where we came from, I could see he was right. If I went back now, injury was inevitable so it seemed that my only hope was to continue on. I began talking myself into the possibility that this jump would not be so bad, or at least not as bad as falling down the cliff to my death, so I continued on my climb. With P.J.’s help I reached the top of the cliff.
As I walked to the edge of the cliff and looked down, my stomach sank. At 14 years old I didn’t realize how high 90 feet was, there is no way I could jump. I turned to walk away; I would take my chances and attempt the dangerous hike back down the cliff. P.J. grabbed my arm and began talking to me in a very soothing voice. “Just go to the edge of the cliff and close your eyes.” he said. I trusted him and did as he wanted. “Now just relax, let all of the tension out of your body, focus and meditate, and at that moment he pushed me off the cliff! My stomach sank to my toes as I began screaming at the top of my lungs. Just as I thought that I would hit the water I looked down and saw that I wasn’t even close to the water, when was this going to end? I looked down again, still not close; I can’t believe he pushed me, what a jerk! Finally I hit the water so hard that it knocked the wind out of me. I hit the soft, sandy lake bottom and was disoriented, I could not figure out which way was up. I remembered a lifesaving class that I took with P.J. then I knew what to do. As I went limp, I began to float up and I knew which way to swim in order to find air. I didn’t think I could hold my breath long enough to make it to the top. Finally I reached the top of the water and could breathe again. There was cheering all around me as I swam toward the beach area. I looked back at my brother still on the cliff, he gave me a thumbs up as he yelled out his approval, then he jumped. As he swam to me I felt for a moment a lot of anger towards P.J. for pushing me off that cliff. Then as I heard all the cheering and P.J. swimming to me, telling me how incredible I was, I felt proud. My brother was amazed by me, and best of all, his best friend Dwight acknowledged my existence.
